Joy & Survival

I have now been student teaching for 4 weeks. 4 entire weeks! It's been exciting because every week I see myself improve, make connections between my experiences and classes I have taken previously, and build more and more significant relationships with the students I serve. The students have been particularly fun because I never expected to love these kids as much as I do. They are each so special!

When I first started this experience I was heartbroken because this job was nothing I expected and everything I didn't want. I have spent the last 5 1/2 years of my life just trying to survive school. I was humbled when I walked into my student teaching experience and was back in a place of survival. I deeply desire to do more than just survive, endure and "make it through". I am coming to a place in my life where there won't be tangible seasons any longer. I've always been able to make it through a certain class, a specific test, or endure a certain professor, even fight to finish an entire degree, but at no point did I think I would have to apply those skills to my career. The further I get into this experience, the more I know the Lord is confirming my steps. There have been pockets of joy scattered throughout my days at school, and I know that the Lord is the One who orchestrates them.

There is an entire 5th grade class who knows my name and always smile and wave at me in the hall. There are two "problem" boys who run to hug me every day before they go home and any opportunity they have before then. These same little boys trust me enough to raise their hands and ask for me by name whenever they need help. There is a little girl who I have only met one time while in the classroom of one of my students who drew me a picture that says "Ms. Nolte, I wish I had a teacher like you". There are kids at the bus line that fight over who gets to hold my hand on the way to the bus and talk over each other to tell me what the favorite parts of their day were. There is a little Hmong girl who brought me a Hmong lunch because "it taste good" and she wanted to share it with me. These are the moments that solidify my desire to stand in the gap for these kids. I am becoming a teacher so that I support these students when no one else does, and esteem them as they struggle to learn things that no one has taken the time to teach them well.

I am exhausted and overwhelmed by the crazy amounts of "homework" my cooperating teacher gives me each day, but there is joy amidst my survival and for that I am confident that the Lord is the One who prospers me.

the greater the challenge, the sweeter the reward

I seem to continually find myself in situations that push my limits, require extreme faith, challenge my energy levels and exceed my known capacity. Having been through numerous seasons that do exactly this, I take comfort in knowing that Jesus has already won the battle so all I have to do is keep fighting.

One of the sweet things about such significant stress is that there are plenty of opportunities for growth and learning. One of my student teaching requirements is to send weekly 'journal' entries to my supervisor. My days are peppered with moments that cause me to mentally catalog various topics that I want to write about and share with her. Selecting what to include in this journal is one of the most rewarding parts of my week because it's when I realize how much I have learned and accomplished in 5 shorts days. The things I learned on Monday become a distant memory as I stand back and realize how far I had to travel to get to Friday. Despite the stress, strain and inevitable tears that so often accompany me throughout the week, it's always refreshing to realize that I am making progress, even when I don't feel like it.

This process has been incredibly difficult because I face new, and exhausting challenges every single day. It's only been three weeks and I already feel like I've invested a lifetimes worth of time, energy and emotion! Although I sometimes question whether or not I have enough endurance to make it to the end, I know that I serve a God who desires to carry me beyond what I ever thought possible.

The beginning of a new era

For as long as I can remember I have always kept a journal. Taking time to reflect on who I am, and the ways that life events impact my character has always been a source of life for me. Having barely crossed the starting line on a new chapter of my life, I can already anticipate the need to pause, reflect, process and learn. My attitude is best when I have taken the time re-focus my life into a lens that seeks the heart of Jesus regardless of how mundane or challenging the situation at hand is. I'm not sure that my I will ever have the luxury of having something mundane to blog about again, so it is with great joy that I am starting this new blog to commemorate the newest chapter in my life.

My life has been measured in semesters for the last 6 years, and although each semester has held unique challenges, responsibilities and sweet rewards, the semester I have just started is sure to have a flavor all its own. Life is meaningful, significant and worth taking time to acknowledge. Sometimes I think the culture of college has trained me to think in terms of the big picture instead of celebrating all of the things that contribute to the picture.

I am closer than I ever have been to finally being done with my formal education. My academic journey has received the majority of my time, attention, money, energy and emotions for countless years, but that will soon change. Anticipating this change made me realize in far clearer ways than I have before. that life is about more than the big picture. If I pursue my next big picture (a job, a house, a family. . .) the same way that I have run after my college degrees then I will most likely continue to struggle with the balance between loving others, taking care of myself, keeping Jesus first and my never satisfied drive to accomplish tasks and live productively. I serve a God who is real, authentic and present but I rarely invite Him to participate in anything that I don't consider worthy of the headlines because I am too busy writing my next paper, reading another article or highlighting hundreds of pages of text in preparation for class. The way I measure my life, the perspective I carry with me and my view of God are all drastically altered for the better when I simply take the time to reflect instead of perpetually accomplish. The heart of this blog is to be reflective, to share my life, to count my blessings and to acknowledge God for who He is in the process.

I deeply enjoy writing, so I hope you enjoy reading!