counting my blessings

Here we are wrapping up the end of January, and I don't know about you, but I sure have a lot to be thankful for.   When I pause long enough to take a deep breath and count my blessings, I find myself overwhelmed with gratefulness because I am faced with the knowledge that the many things which have blessed me so immensely, were grown out of really deep pain and hardship.  

It's no secret that college + grad school were perpetually awful for a lot of reasons.  Having only recently shed my student status, I am still standing in the aftermath of a lot of that pain.  However, even with jokes of my strict 3pm bedtime for the first 2 months of my teaching career, still surfacing in conversation, working has been so good.  There are days when I question my career choice, mostly because I don't like being bitten or sworn at or spit on but. thankfully, Jesus stands as constant truth and perspective through it all.  This career was never my idea but Jesus knew that I needed it to redeem me,  fill my heart, ignite my passions and give me countless opportunities to stand in the gap for both students and co-workers alike. 

Work is work, which means that for most of us, we end the day drained across all domains.  However, I also end my day filled with the sweet memories of creative learning and crazy commentary.  Little kids tell you exactly what they are thinking, and most of the time, they do it impulsively.  I am hugged more times a day than I can count.  I am surrounded by smiles and every once in a while, someone will speak up and say something like,

"Ms. Nolte, I love you. You my best friend".  Or:

 "HI NOLTE! WHAT YOU DOIN? I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY! I LOVE YOU!"

I don't know who loved who first, but in a season of my life where echoes of change and transition ripple through every part of me and my friendships are largely inconsistent, my students love me generously, without hesitation or boundaries.  

I started this job determined to create an environment where these children felt love, accepted and known but I never anticipated how true those things would become for me.   And as tokens of the sweetness of it all, every once in  a while I get little gifts handed to me:

Sonic! Hedgehog!

A note from the very first time I was observed.

Jesus knows things that we don't.  He sees the big picture and because of that, He really can create beauty from ashes. 

Asian Domestication

For the past couple of weeks I have been cooking up a storm, steadily taking on the cooking goals I set for 2011.   Although I have made a lot of food as of late, nothing truly noteworthy has boiled, steamed, baked or roasted its way into my permanent recipe collection.  That is, until tonight.  You see, I have been accumulating Asian inspired recipes for at least the last three years but I have attempted almost none of them.  I have no excuse for this other than that I really love Asian food and sometimes it's easier to order it in rather than make it.   Who would want to risk creating a  disappointing dinner when you could have called in the experts?!
But I digress. . .
Whenever I want to cook something especially delicious, I call up my friend April and invite her over.  She has graciously eaten some yummy muffins, savory beef stew, and hearty breakfast bake along with a plethora of other. . . well. . . not so successful domestic attempts.  Not all of my friends would be willing to trudge through so many experiments with me, which is why she was the first person I thought to invite over to eat asian barbecued pork.   It smells amazing, tastes delicious, and is totally worth making again.  Here it is:

Asian Barbecued Pork        

1 (1 1/2 pound) pork tenderloin, trimmed 

1/8 tsp salt 

2 tbs hoisin sauce 

2 tbs ketchup 

2 tbs low-sodium soy sauce 

1 tsp chili garlic sauce 

2 garlic cloves crushed 

1 1/2 tsp minced peeled fresh ginger 

Chopped fresh cilantro (optional) 

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees

2.Heat a large skillet coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat.  Sprinkle pork with salt.  Add pork to pan; cook 2 minutes on all sides or until browned.  Remove pork from heat.  

3. Combine hoisin sauce and next 5 ingredients (hoisin through ginger) in a small bowl.  Spread hoisin mixture over tenderloin.  Insert meat thermometer into thickest portion of tenderloin.  Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes or until thermometer registers 160 degrees.   Place pork on platter; let stand 5 minutes.  Cut tenderloin into 1/4 inch-thick slices.  Garnish with cilantro if desired.  

Enveloped in conversation with a good friend, I cooked some rice and steamed some broccoli to accompany this fantastic piece of pork.   I highly encourage you to do the same.  Yum, yum! 

 

"Put that down please!"

As someone who loves pictures, loves little kids and loves documenting significant memories, my camera has frequently made its way into my teaching bag.  I often find myself wishing I could post some of the hilarious moments I capture on film, simply because it would give you that much more insight into the craziness that threads my days together, but confidentiality (rightfully so) prevents me from posting such events.   Confidentiality is for the better because even though I've been told, a picture is worth a thousand words, it would probably take 10,000 words to explain what was actually going on.  So today I share this picture, taken of me, by eager and disobedient hands who prey on opportunities to confiscate and use my camera anytime I fail to hide it after it is used.  I cannot confirm or deny how often this actually happens since. . .well. . . my job is chaotic and I don't really know, but if you were to guess that it happens often, you would be more right than wrong.  I mean, who doesn't love taking pictures of their surprised and unsuspecting teacher:

There are many, many more pictures like this, but thankful for me, they all have students in the background. 

D/HH I do's

When I started grad school in September of 2008, I was met by women who were eager to study hard, share resources and extend friendship.   The commonality of having class together 4 days a week kept us close and making time to do homework together during all other free time solidified our friendships.  Even amidst the hours and hours of time we spent together, I had no way of predicting how much life we would end up sharing with one another from that point forward.   We've gotten together to bake lots of cookies, eat lots of fondue and, especially considering the small number of us in the program, celebrate a lot of weddings. 

First, Mollie got married. 

 

Then Jeanne got married. 

 

Then Nicole got married. 

 

And last but not least, Michalea got married! 

 

Nicole was my date for Michaela's wedding.  Since we work together, it's a special treat to spend time together away from Como. It's never too cold to wear a dress! 

 

One year ago. . .

With 2010 behind me and 2011 underway, I can't help but grasp at significance of a year.  As someone who would rather set goals than make resolutions, I consider time valuable and worth redeeming regardless of the calendar month.  Even with that belief in hand, I still can't help but marvel at all that can be accomplished in a year.  Granted, the information I have to measure the significance of year is subjective, trivial, swayed by emotion and lacks a large amount of insight, however, sometimes annual milestones surface that help us marvel at the graciousness of the Lord.  

One year ago today I woke up, ate a nervous breakfast and started the incredibly defining journey of student teaching.   Today, I woke up, gathered my lesson plans and taught without anxiety for the first time since I was first introduced as "Miss. Nolte" 365 days ago.  God is so faithful and He does accomplish what He intends to do. 

When I am well rested enough to realize how far the Lord has carried me in one short year, I have hope that all of the unforseen things God desires to accomplish in my life are good, even when they don't feel like it. 

Life after college

Two days ago one of my friends from undergrad called me, but I didn't listen to her voicemail message until tonight.  I had to smile while listening to her exasperated apology for not keeping in better touch.  The Lord is so good at appointing people in my life who know me through different seasons by identifying with my struggles and needs, which has set the stage for this friend to remain a sweet part of my life even though our paths seldom cross.  We both graduated this year and in her voicemail, by way of an update, she shared ,"oh, Erica, life after college. . . is. . . good, but it is so different."  If you have been out of college for a long time, then the weighted truth of this simple statement probably isn't as humbling for you as it is for me.

You see, as I experience a wide spectrum of unpredictable emotion on a day-to-day basis, the only thing that continues to be true is the raw amazement that I carry with me.  Sometimes I marvel at the surprising peace that comes from spending a holiday like Thanksgiving with my family without having to crack a textbook, uncap a highlighter or open Microsoft Word.  Sometimes I get teary-eyed realizing that I spent an entire Saturday moving between leisurely activities and life tasks without the pressure of looming deadlines or piles of unread research articles subtly stealing my joy.   Mostly though, this amazement scrolls through the following sequence of new realities:  I have a job.  I am considered a professional.   I am accountable for the education of children who do not have other people in their lives to pick up my stack.   I am responsible for managing my own money.   I am no longer bound to Minnesota by an unfinished education, and therefore have the freedom to make decisions to improve the quality of my life.  I own a car and it's my job to take care of it. 
.  
The truth is, life after college is baffling because I have not fully recovered all of the energy, emotion and life that I invested to make it to the end of school.   So many times in my college career I felt helpless, unable and completely unequipped.    Ultimately, the job I currently hold and the degree hanging on my wall stand as a small earthly example that God is so much bigger than my own inabilities. However, I left everything on the table just to finish without realizing that I would need those same resources back in order to go to work each day and maintain my relationships.  

And so the questions remain: what is life after college supposed to look like?  How do I regain the optimism, perspective and empathy that I know the Lord desires in my life when  the job I have prompts the same flashes of insecurity and hopeless that followed me through school?  Our battle isn't against flesh and blood and it doesn't change just because our life circumstances do. 

I don't want to create redundancy in this post, but I feel compelled to share a story:
A few weeks into my job, I wrapped up the most critical piece of my Masters degree.  In order to fully graduate, get my diploma, increase my payscale and lock in all of the credit hours I had earned towards my degree, I needed to present this final piece to a University panel.   To make a long story short, my presentation was finally put on the calendar for this coming Monday.    In the process of waiting for this critical date, I internalized far more frustration that necessary.  As I have prayed about this important day on the horizon, the Lord has shown me that this frustration has come from a deeply broken heart and depleted spirit.  Everything inside of me just wants to finish and the desperation of that desire has unearthed a lot of sin in my life.  Exhaustion is not healthy which is why Jesus responds to our exhaustion by giving us Himself. 

Will you join me this week is praying that as I present the final component of my graduate career, the Lord would begin the miraculous healing of the parts of my life that have been lost, damaged or broken? On my own, I can change nothing because I end up loving myself more than I trust God.  Jesus is my redeemer, and I know that He has extraordinary things planed for my life..  

Little Scientists = lots of laundry!

Teaching is full of unexpected responsibilities, like spending Friday afternoons washing lab coats so that your students will be able to pretend they are Scientists when they come to class on Monday!