13.1 Miles for Change

Have you been dying to know what the deal is with my new found ambition to run a half-marathon?! Or, for those of you who know me well, you might be wondering what spurred me on to run at all?!  Let's just say, I waited 2 months to drop this news because as someone who swore I wouldn't run even if chased, I wanted to make sure that I could stick this thing out before I clued you into the process.  Just to clarify, you did read this right, I am going to run a half-marathon!  It's okay if you're in total shock; you're in great company because most of my friends are still getting over the surprise!  

This decision may seem abrupt, and in some ways it is, but the process of getting here has been nothing but life-giving, which is what I desperately needed. 

Here's how it happened: about three weeks before student teaching ended in April I started praying about what I could do to take healthy steps towards a balanced life.  After investing all of my resources and reserves so fully into student teaching, I knew I was going to walk away over-tired, emotionally drained and unusually unable to invest well in the lives of others.  I was drained in ways I had never experienced and I was afraid of how long it was going to take me to recover.  As I prayed about the steps I could take to move towards the Lord, steps toward restoration and steps towards other people, I felt the Lord prompting me to run.  

I have always wanted to be a runner but after a trial period for a few months my sophomore year of high school, I gave the sport up in pursuit of something less taxing and kinder to my knees.  When I started college 6 years ago, I stopped exercising because I was so stressed and stretched academically that I didn't have any extra reserves to invest in working out.  I know that working out has been scientifically proven to lower stress, but for me, the thought of making time for it, escalated my stress.  I couldn't balance gym time + school + friends + my job + my involvement in campus ministry + church.  It was too much and gym time seemed like the only thing that I could cut out without academic, emotional or spiritual repercussions.  I frequently thought about working out because my inability to make it to the gym combined with the stress-eating that accompanied long days in the library resulted in 6 years of gradual weight gain.  Gross.

  Now that I am standing so close to the finish line of my college career, I am ready to change my life and develop healthy habits to carry with me all the way through adulthood.   So why a half-marathon?! Good question.   The answer is actually so simple, it's liberating: I needed something that was built to be fueled by the daily commitment to the prescribed process.  I didn't trust myself to build gym-time back into my life and do it in a healthy way.  I didn't want a quick fix and I certainly didn't want to do any crash dieting.   I wanted something that relied on daily progress for long-term success.   I found a pre-training schedule online to turn me into a runner and then I found an official training schedule to build my endurance and mileage over time.

For me, running this half-marathon is about moving towards the Lord, allowing Him to restore my life and trusting Him to continue to be sovereign over my life one day at a time.   Training for this half-marathon has mirrored my spiritual journey with the Lord in so many life-changing ways.  I am deeply thankful that I have had the time to invest in this new adventure.  So far, it's been a good one!  

a little creative domestication can go a long way!

Because I am moving & because I am currently living off the last remaining dollars of my student loans, I have been intentional and strategic about eating the food I have on hand.  This is a simple concept, but what you may not realize is that I picked my current apartment because it was next to a grocery store.  Some of my favorite memories from the last two years involve me putting on my shoes, grabbing my wallet and walking to the grocery store to purchase items for whatever my newest kitchen quest happened to be.   Unlike most people, I love grocery shopping, but it's because I consider cooking more of an art than a necessity.  I know I spend far more on groceries than the average single woman, but it's because I'm funding a hobby more than an appetite.

Although I have greatly enjoyed being able to cook based on what I'm in the mood to make, rather than what I have the ingredients for, this season of my life requires me to be a little more creative when catering to my quest towards domestication.  I have been taking inventory of my food cupboard first and finding recipes second. Because I had barley, chicken broth & kosher salt on hand, as well as asparagus in my freezer, this recipe was added to my quest.   Summer isn't the best time to stand in front of a stove patiently stirring risotto, but with all of the thunderstorms we've had lately, this was the perfect dinner:

Barley Risotto With Asparagus and Parmesan (RealSimple.com) 

Serves 4 

Hands-On Time: 45m  

Total Time: 45m

Ingredients

• 5 cups low-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 large yellow onion, finely chopped
• 1 large clove garlic, finely chopped
• 1 1/2 cups barley
• 1 cup dry white wine (such as Sauvignon Blanc)
• 1 pound asparagus, cut diagonally into 1-inch pieces
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 cup (2 ounces) grated Parmesan

Directions

1. Warm the broth in a small saucepan over low heat. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, for 7 minutes or until soft. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute more.
2. Add the barley and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Stir in the wine and cook until the liquid is absorbed, about 3 minutes. Add the broth, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring occasionally and waiting until it is absorbed before adding more.
3. Add the asparagus with the last 1/2 cup of broth and cook until tender. It should take 30 to 35 minutes for all the broth to be absorbed.
4. Remove from heat, season with the salt and pepper, and stir in the Parmesan. Spoon into individual bowls.

Fairer Still, Today

I haven't blogged in a long time.  The thing is, I have actually had an abundance of time on my hands, and as a result I have made a conscience choice to slow the pace of my life and spend less time on my computer. After 2 very full, very stressful years of graduate school  preceded by 4 years of endurance-testing, faith-building,  undergraduate coursework, this break is much needed.   Despite the fact that I have intentionally slowed the pace of my life, I still have many details and insights to share with you.   I feel like I am finally getting to the place where I am doing more than just surviving because this time off has allowed me to stand before the Lord and let Him renew my life.  It feels so good to sleep long hours, read novels, talk on the phone, knit, cook, watch movies, connect with friends, spend time with my family and mentally piece through graduate school + student teaching.  

There are a few big items that I am saving for another blog:
*I am running a half marathon at the end of the summer.   In many ways, the last 2 months of training mirror the spiritual journey I am on with the Lord & I am excited to share more with you about that soon. 
*I got a job!  About a month ago, I signed my first ever teaching contract & I am looking forward to a stable salary, benefits and the richness that comes from teaching kids who have fragile lives due to poverty and disabilities. 
*Only a few short days after signing my contract with St.Paul, I started looking for a new apartment.  I'm thrilled to be moving at the end of July!
*I have spent a lot of time praying about the relationships in my life and God's desire for my relationships.  I look forward to sharing with you some of the things that the Lord has graciously shown me about myself, others and His intention for building us for relationships. 

As you await blog updates containing the big items listed about,  I am leaving you with the song that has been encouraging me as of late: 

Fairest Lord Jesus, Ruler of all nature
O Thou of God and man the Son
Thee will I cherish, Thee will I honor
Thou, my soul's glory, joy and crown

Fair are the meadows, fairer still the woodlands
Robed in the blooming garb of spring
Jesus is Fairer, Jesus is purer
Who makes the woeful heart to sing

Fair is the sunshine, fairer still the moonlight
And all the Twinkling starry host
Jesus shines brighter, Jesus shines purer
Than all the angels heaven can boast

Beautiful Savior, Lord of all nations
Son of God and Son of Man
Glory and honor, praise, adoration
Now and forever more be Thine

Chorus:
You are fairer still, today
You are fairer still, today
Precious Jesus, Lord, You are adored
As we worship, as we worship

healing

Music is part of the heartbeat of my life because it proclaims truth about the Lord through an avenue of beauty, power, conviction and authority.  I carefully sensor what music I listen to because music is such an important part of my heart-attitude.   Lately, I have had this song playing on repeat.  I have decided to wait upon the Lord because He is my rock and my redeemer.   I don't know what I'm waiting for but I know that there are chains in my life that need to be broken and healing that can only happen as the Lord opens my eyes to who He is.  I am starting to wrap up two years of hard work and the never-ending push to be better then I already am is finally starting to slow down.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not done yet but as I continue to reach significant milestones in this process, I am reminded that what has already been accomplished is far greater then what is left.   I know that the Lord will show up in my life to accomplish what He desires, my job is to trust Him and walk in obedience to what He has planned despite how raw my life is right now.     

You'll Come:
Verse 1
I have decided I have resolved
To wait upon you Lord
My rock and redeemer shall not be moved
I?ll wait upon you Lord

Pre Chorus
As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

Chorus
You'll come let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit reign flood our hearts
With holy fire again

Verse 2
We are not shaken we are not moved
We wait upon you Lord
Our Mighty deliverer my triumph and truth
I'll wait upon you Lord

Bridge
Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

Finishing strong!

Tomorrow is my LAST day of student teaching!  I am burning the midnight oil and working really hard to wrap this experience up well.   At this point I am tired, overwhelmed and stressed which makes it hard for me to effectively tackle my loooooong to-do list but I am taking things one thing at a time.  


I'm so close but as of right now, not nearly close enough.  Time to get to work! 

the end is in sight!

T-minus two weeks until I am done Student Teaching!  Despite the fact that the things I need to accomplish between now and the 23rd are nearly impossible to complete given this time frame, I can't stop smiling about how far I have come. 

At one point in this process I expressed to my mom that I had "too many holes in my bucket" for it to retain life, hope, encouragement or energy.   I was drained across my entire spectrum of resources but by the grace of God and the perseverance that comes from working for the Lord, I am standing two weeks away from the finish line, thrilled about what has been accomplished and rejoicing in the sustaining grace of the Lord.   

One of the ways that I am proactively conquering my to-do list is by staying late at school Monday - Friday.   I want to honor the Lord, my teacher and myself by ending this process well and that means creating lots of un-interrupted work time.  I have been staying at school late for two weeks now and it's been a really positive change.  The days are long because I leave my apartment before 7am and don't get home until after 7pm but I have been able to set up all of the materials I need without having to get permission from my teacher to make copies or go to the library.   I leave school knowing that I am mostly ready for the next day, which has helped lower my stress levels significantly.  With 7pm set as my boundary, I leave most nights with lessons still undone.   Although it would be totally ideal to have the remaining three hours of my day to set student teaching aside, this process hasn't afforded me that luxury just yet.   It takes a lot of time to teach under direction from someone else!

I am praying that my teacher will start taking back some of the teaching responsibilities so that I can work of the remaining two assignments I have left to do.    I have permission to complete the assignments after student teaching is over but I REALLY don't want to do that.   I believe that it is God who prospers me and He will make a way for all of the remaining pieces of this process to fall into place.  
  

moving on

Okay, so this week has thrown it's fair share of ups and downs into my otherwise much-needed time off but, I am ready to move on.   Prior to the tragic apartment flood of 2010, I actually had a ridiculously productive Friday - Monday.   Here are the stats:

Friday: 

Conferences + work day at school 

laundry 

grocery shopping 

knitting 

cleaning, cleaning, cleaning

brought stuff to my storage closest that has been waiting to go up since JANUARY! 

took my car in

watched the biggest loser

painted my toe-nails 

went to bed

Saturday: 

skyped with my friend Carrie 

skyped with my sister Anna

went grocery shopping again :) 

did some crock-pot cooking

worked endlessly on a very large homework assignment

spent some time browsing my cook books 

finished knitting my friend Angela's Christmas blanket (finally!) 

Sunday: 

Took a long shower

spent the majority of the day finishing up my very large homework assignment 

wrote birthday thank-yous

went to an early dinner with my friend Shannon 

lead small group Bible study

went to a very late movie with my friend Shannon

went to bed! 

Monday: 

babysat from 7 - 3:30

went to class

turned in the very long homework assignment :)

went to a late dinner with my friend Kelli

came home to a flooding apartment. . .

And then time kind of stopped.  . until now.   Because it's Thursday and I am ready to get stuff done and stop mourning the loss of my time and some of my favorite stuff.   Life happens.  Here I sit in my favorite Panera, eating a deliciously early lunch, surrounded by stacks of folders and a crumbled to-do list.  My next step is to work until I can't work anymore and then evaluate and potentially edit my spring break to-list after that.   No one plans for their apartment to flood.  No one intends to surrender the opportunity to successfully complete things in order to deal with yucky water in places it doesn't belong.   So - this flood never made it onto my to-do list but that's okay because I'm moving on.   Starting now, I am praying for focus and peace of mind as I wade through my homework and conquer stress one finished paragraph at a time.