grateful!

I am at school, wrapping up week 12 of student teaching. I have conferences today and my lead teacher isn't here so I'm sitting in her teacher chair with my work spread all around me, my to-list displayed on the top of all the folders, notebooks and papers. My first conference isn't until 10am so I thought I would spend sometime doing some "life" related things and then transition into more school related things as the day moves forward. So, I thought I would take the opportunity to expose some of the things I am truly thankful for.

Weekends are usually pretty stressful for me because I have SO much to do that has been neglected Monday - Friday in addition to having a Monday deadline for things like lesson plans and homework. For the last 12 weekend, I have struggled to find the resources I need to make plans that don't involve a highlighter, my laptop or my apartment. I am standing up in a wedding at the end of April and the long-anticipated bridal shower weekend was last weekend. I was stressed even thinking about what I had to accomplish in order to pull off the showers, but I am grateful to say that Sunday afternoons shower was a particular success and I felt SO good driving away knowing that my investment was good.


After successfully making it through my Marathon Monday, I made biscuits and gravy from scratch and watched online television with my roommate. It was really fun!

The week marched forward and excitement grew by the day because the 25th was my birthday and my students were planning a surprise (not so surprise) party for me. It was so sweet to feel so celebrated. When I thanked my teacher for the day she said "you are loved" and I know she meant it. It's been such a journey to work with her, and it's been far from easy, but this birthday party is the perfect example of how valuable it is to invest well when you feel like you have nothing to give and to continue to believe that the Lord has greater things in store than what is seen on the surface. I've never been one to weigh my self-esteem based on whether or not people celebrate my birthday, but I have to admit, I was greatly encouraged by the love and enthusiasm that was displayed on my behalf yesterday. It was a really great way to transition into spring break!

reason to smile

As most of you know, I hate math. However, I teach math 1 and a half hours a day! It's been a pretty big step for me, especially since it takes me so long to correct my students math homework. It has finally become routine for me to spend about an hour and a half a day correcting their homework (what can I say, I have to do the math first to make sure it's right!). Occasionally, with my colorful crayola market in hand, I come across answers that make me smile. This one is from my student who bring the most personality to math class:

Write a story problem for the number sentence 11+ 4 =
I have 11 mice pets. Then I found 4 more mice. How many mice is that? 15 mice as pets now.

I'm just going to throw it out there: if I was writing a story problem, pet mice would not be in it! Too funny!

A new kind of positive

Recently, I was talking to a good friend of mine when I admitted that the main force behind me communicating how challenging my life circumstances are is the need to put limits on what others can expect out of me. I believe that we were designed by a perfect Creator to have limitless relationships. We are created to fellowship with and care for one another. Our need for each other is never met because God crafted us in such a way that we will continue to return to one another and to Him.

As a single graduate student, my life looks very different than most. I'm not in "college" but I'm also not living with the same types of freedom as my adult friends. Especially since student teaching started, my resources across all domains (time, energy, emotions, money) have been drained. When I'm running on empty, my knee-jerk reaction is to be extremely conservative with whatever is left in my dwindling tank. The only way that I know how to effectively get people from tapping into my almost-non-existent resources is to tell them how hard my life is or how busy I am. The result of this type of communication is that I end up viewing my life through a raw and painful lens. I am committed to always communicating truth. I avoid drama and seek to see things as they really are. However, when I evaluate the reality of my life through this raw and painful lens, it's what I end up believing. Although it is truth, it's not the only kind of truth that exists in my life.

I was not created to be defined by the things in my life that keep me vulnerable and exposed. I was created to be defined by my creator and His raw vulnerability is the very place my life comes from.

I still don't know how to reconcile how to welcome people in my life with the responsibilities of the extraneous tasks before me, but I do know that Gods intention is not for me to only see the raw and the painful. There is beauty, hope and purpose woven intentionally through my life. It's there regardless of whether or not I acknowledge it.

So, where do I go from here? About two days ago, I began to pray and ask the Lord what kind of a response He wants me to have to this new insight. As I have listened and waited, it's clear that I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, but I want to be in a position to believe that it's good. I felt the Lord prompting me to lay aside my raw and painful lens and trust Him to construct my life the way He desires. He is the author of beauty and I want my life to be beautiful.

Over the last six years, God has very obviously and very intentionally shed a lot of things from my life. Because I chose to follow Christ at very young age, God hasn't shed stereotypical things from my life like redeeming from sin involving addiction, however, the transformation has been just as significant. I know that God's desire for me is to make me like His Son. As sweet as the Lord is, the process of sanctification often stretches our faith further than it's ever been stretched and removes parts of our lives that we enjoy. There are so many days where I feel like God has removed my life instead of giving me life or restoring my life. It's been heartbreaking but I know that Gods wisdom is infinite while my wisdom is finite. God holds my every moment. His intentions for me are good and He's worthy of trust.

last observation

I am finally over 2/3rds of the way done with my student teaching experience! It has felt like such a loooong road but the end is finally in sight! Today, the end got a little closer when my advisor came and observed me for the last time. I feel so much better to finally have this final observation out of the way.

The finish line is just around the corner!

late nights, blankets and yarn

Sometimes I just need to sit in my bed buried under heavy blankets, knit and think until it's past my bedtime. Although I wake up with a little less sleep than is desirable the next day, my soul is usually a little more rested.

Mushrooms and domestic moments

Inspired by the book Julie & Julia, I had every intention of blogging about my many domestic adventures, hence the title "Real life, domestication and everything in between". What I couldn't have anticipated when the I started this blog was how maxed my life would quickly become. Something as joyful and relaxing as dicing onions, chopping carrots and throwing together different ingredients from my overstocked food cupboard was, suddenly was thrown to the wayside as I adjusted my expectations for what my life as a student teacher would look like. I am still adjusting to the many challenges of balancing so much responsibility, but I have started to pick up my spatula a little more frequently.

The common complaint I hear about making dinner is the very reason I love it so much: it takes time! Cooking gives me time to invest creative energy and process my life in big and small ways. There is something really freeing for me about scrubbing potatoes and peeling carrots because I have reason to slow my life down enough to let my thoughts travel the road they need to take. Most recently, my quest towards domestication included an ingredient that I have been actively avoiding for years: mushrooms. Who voluntarily eats fungus anyway?! I was so pleasantly surprised with the outcome of this dish, I thought I would share it with you here.

Chicken Stroganoff:

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons olive oil

3 medium yellow onions, thinly sliced into rings

1 green pepper, seeded and thinly sliced

1 ½ teaspoons kosher salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

8 ounces (15 medium) button mushrooms, thinly sliced

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into ½ inch strips

1 cup dry white wine

1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth

2 tablespoons barbecue sauce

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon hot sauce

½ cup sour cream

Directions:

1. Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring frequently, until soft, about 8 minutes. Add the green pepper, ½ teaspoon of the salt, ¼ teaspoon of the pepper, and the mushrooms. Continue cooking until the mushrooms give up their liquid, about 6 minutes, and are tender.

2. Place the vegetables in a colander, reserving both vegetables and liquid. You should have about ½ cup of liquid.

3. Return to pan to heat and add the remaining 1 tablespoon of oil. Season the chicken with the remaining 1 teaspoon of salt and ¼ teaspoon of pepper. Cook the chicken in batches until golden brown and cooked through, about 5 minutes. Add it to the vegetables.

4. Pour the wine, broth and vegetable liquid into the pan and bring to a boil. With a wooden spoon, loosen any brown bits stuck to the pan and let cook in the sauce.

5. Add the barbecue sauce, Worcestershire, mustard, and hot sauce. Whisk until smooth. Boil until liquid has reduced by half, to about 1 ½ cups. The liquid should thicken slightly.

6. Reduce heat and whisk in the sour cream. Do not let the sauce boil. Return the vegetables and chicken to the pan and simmer until heated through. Serve over rice, pasta, or toast.

the journey continues

On days like today I wonder why I ever started this process. I am maxed so far beyond time and ability that it's impossible to even get half of what I need to get done before it's due. The effort is costly and the outcome seems bleak, but Jesus is sovereign over all things so as I seek to trust Him with all of the moments that make up my day, I thought I would leave you with an encouraging quote and a link to my new favorite song. Restoration and perspective can be found in the most unexpected places!

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”-Audrey Hepburn

Deluge, Worship You