Life after college

Two days ago one of my friends from undergrad called me, but I didn't listen to her voicemail message until tonight.  I had to smile while listening to her exasperated apology for not keeping in better touch.  The Lord is so good at appointing people in my life who know me through different seasons by identifying with my struggles and needs, which has set the stage for this friend to remain a sweet part of my life even though our paths seldom cross.  We both graduated this year and in her voicemail, by way of an update, she shared ,"oh, Erica, life after college. . . is. . . good, but it is so different."  If you have been out of college for a long time, then the weighted truth of this simple statement probably isn't as humbling for you as it is for me.

You see, as I experience a wide spectrum of unpredictable emotion on a day-to-day basis, the only thing that continues to be true is the raw amazement that I carry with me.  Sometimes I marvel at the surprising peace that comes from spending a holiday like Thanksgiving with my family without having to crack a textbook, uncap a highlighter or open Microsoft Word.  Sometimes I get teary-eyed realizing that I spent an entire Saturday moving between leisurely activities and life tasks without the pressure of looming deadlines or piles of unread research articles subtly stealing my joy.   Mostly though, this amazement scrolls through the following sequence of new realities:  I have a job.  I am considered a professional.   I am accountable for the education of children who do not have other people in their lives to pick up my stack.   I am responsible for managing my own money.   I am no longer bound to Minnesota by an unfinished education, and therefore have the freedom to make decisions to improve the quality of my life.  I own a car and it's my job to take care of it. 
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The truth is, life after college is baffling because I have not fully recovered all of the energy, emotion and life that I invested to make it to the end of school.   So many times in my college career I felt helpless, unable and completely unequipped.    Ultimately, the job I currently hold and the degree hanging on my wall stand as a small earthly example that God is so much bigger than my own inabilities. However, I left everything on the table just to finish without realizing that I would need those same resources back in order to go to work each day and maintain my relationships.  

And so the questions remain: what is life after college supposed to look like?  How do I regain the optimism, perspective and empathy that I know the Lord desires in my life when  the job I have prompts the same flashes of insecurity and hopeless that followed me through school?  Our battle isn't against flesh and blood and it doesn't change just because our life circumstances do. 

I don't want to create redundancy in this post, but I feel compelled to share a story:
A few weeks into my job, I wrapped up the most critical piece of my Masters degree.  In order to fully graduate, get my diploma, increase my payscale and lock in all of the credit hours I had earned towards my degree, I needed to present this final piece to a University panel.   To make a long story short, my presentation was finally put on the calendar for this coming Monday.    In the process of waiting for this critical date, I internalized far more frustration that necessary.  As I have prayed about this important day on the horizon, the Lord has shown me that this frustration has come from a deeply broken heart and depleted spirit.  Everything inside of me just wants to finish and the desperation of that desire has unearthed a lot of sin in my life.  Exhaustion is not healthy which is why Jesus responds to our exhaustion by giving us Himself. 

Will you join me this week is praying that as I present the final component of my graduate career, the Lord would begin the miraculous healing of the parts of my life that have been lost, damaged or broken? On my own, I can change nothing because I end up loving myself more than I trust God.  Jesus is my redeemer, and I know that He has extraordinary things planed for my life..