Time

Time moves quickly.  The only tangible evidence I have to prove the rapid nature of the seconds, minutes and hours that make up my days are the things that fill those spaces.   All throughout college I kept I very detailed planner, which was affectionately named my "gopher guide".  Time has a way of promoting us to new forms of scheduling because I have upgraded my gopher guide to a teacher plan book.  In addition to being a clear indicator of my career, this book keeps a very detailed record of what I do between the hours of 7am and 3pm, Monday through Friday.  I have recently realized that having a planner which limits the days and hours that can be scheduled has created an unspoken importance for that time frame.   Ordinarily I am pretty mindful of my commitments as a whole, but since becoming a special education teacher,  I accomplish nothing that is not written down.   I start and end my day with an overwhelmingly full mind and time moves too quickly for my thoughts to catch up with the speed with which life continues to be executed at.  For example, MEA has come and gone and in its place, I have almost another full week of teaching under my belt.

Time is a funny thing, isn't it?  So much happens in my days (99% of which takes place in my classroom between the hours of 7 and 3) that I can't believe it's almost November.   When I started my job, I had high hopes that by now I would be teaching instead of surviving.   I thought I would know how to establish classroom boundaries and routines in order to have better behaved students.  I believed I would know how to teach, what to teach and how to effectively prepare the material.  The bottom line: I thought I would be better at my job.  But time is a funny thing and I thought wrong. 

I am still in survival mode, I don't have strong classroom boundaries or routines and I still don't know what to teach, how to teach it or how to effectively prepare the material.    Although I am certain that I have grown as a teacher since the start of the school year, I think that my growth is masked both by my perpetual exhaustion and need to make significant improvements in numerous areas. 

Despite being so tired I could cry or the pressing need to be better at what I do, I am still thankful that I get to wake up everyday and love the little children the Lord has appointed in my life.  Time may feel quick here, but I am mindful that I am making eternal investments which will put all of this in perspective when that day comes.